Shell here!

I couldn’t quite figure out how to wrap my mind around my baby girl turning 18 years old.

All the memories of her birth started to flood my mind the day before. What made me sad was that I could not remanence this amazing day with Art.

Jay was born on the Tuesday after thanksgiving weekend. I had been in labor all weekend, but I honestly didn’t know it. I thought I had the flu. I know, new moms! Lol!

When we went to the doctor the Monday after thanksgiving, the doctor asked me how I was feeling. I said I had been experiencing stomach aches and felt really tired, and expressed to him that I thought I had the flu. He chuckled and said, “Aw, well, you will be happy to know you don’t have the flu. However, you are in labor.”

Art’s face is one I shall never forget. He jumped up, ran over to me and grabbed my hand. He was so funny and so excited to become a dad. The doctor told us to go home and that we should plan to stay close to the hospital.

I was so excited and quite scared, all at the same time. Our first child was coming! Our child that we were told we could never have. Jay was a fertility drug baby that took almost three years of trying to get pregnant.

Jay and I laugh now because even in the womb, Jay was not going to conform to cultural norms by having a normal delivery. She chose to come out butt first, which landed us both in the operating room. My blood pressure was extremely high, and Jay was breached. The doctor told Art we had to get this baby out, or he could lose both of us.

Poor Art, he was a mess! In the operating room, he was the cutest thing I have ever seen. He had his eyes glued on the c-section and had this huge, amazing smile! After Jay’s birth, he would go around telling the story to anyone who listen and explain how a c-section baby was delivered. His story was quite entertaining, and his love for our baby girl always warmed my heart.

We became an overjoyed family of 3. Art would always say, “Baby makes 3.” He even had a sign made and put it up in Jay’s room.

I never dreamed that 18 years later, we would be celebrating our baby girl’s 18th birthday without Art.

Yet we did.

I know he was with us. I know he is with Jay every moment of her life. I know he is equally proud of her as I am.

Here we are, another birthday gone by without Art. But we celebrated as big we could in a pandemic. We went to Downtown Disney and California Adventure, and it was amazing. We sang at the top of our lungs in the car to all the Disney songs! We laughed a lot. We took a million pictures! Most importantly, we had a magical day!

I still can’t believe my baby girl is 18. I guess maybe as moms, we never wrap our minds around this milestone because they will always be our little babies forever. I still see Jay as a little girl. Some days I do a double take because my eyes will see her all grown up and my brain says, no! My heart will say, no way, how did this happen so fast?!

Jay has experienced more life in her 18 years than some people I know who are 80 years of age. She has endured deep loss with great tragedy. She has seen the ugly side of family and friends, betrayal and abandonment.

I am proud to say she handled all of this with grace and discernment. Jay is one of the strongest most empowered women I know!

This has been a wild ride for the both of us, and one I would have never wanted my daughter to endure. I couldn’t protect her from the pain and suffering. I did what only a parent could do; showered Jay with love, courage, dignity, strength, kindness, empathy and encouragement!

I encouraged her to find her own personal identity. I encouraged her to make choices that would honor her dad, but not lose her own identity among the way. I encouraged her to embrace her fears and to acknowledge her feelings. I encourage her daily to follow her dreams and to never let anyone tell her she can’t follow her dreams.

There isn’t any other human on this planet that I would have wanted to walk this hard journey with other than Jay.

Jay is strong, determined, courageous and knows who she is! I love this about her. She lights up a room when she walks in. Her sweet eyes that shine with her father’s love show her old soul. I love that from the day she tried to come out of the womb on her own terms to the woman she is today, nothing will stop her from being true to who she is at heart.

18 years flew by! I look forward to watching the next 18 plus years of seeing Jay take on the world!

Happy Birthday Jay! You, my baby girl, are one amazing, ambitious, strong, courageous, kind, fun-loving, sunshine bright Disney girl! The world is blessed to have you in it! Your dad and I are very proud!

Aloha and gratitude,

Jay and Shell