Shell Here!

As we all navigate our way through 2020, Jay and I both feel we have been prepping for 2020 adventures since 2014. When lockdown happened, we didn’t seem to mind. The only thing that did bother us was that after hiding out since Art’s death in 2014, we were ready to live and go do fun things. Yes, we traveled the first year and still did things, but we did them alone because we wanted to be alone.

As we learn new policies such as social distancing, wearing a mask, stop the spread and stay home, we still find days that we need to just need to get out. However, we find things that can be done safely. Since it is always just the two of us, it is easier to navigate these adventures.

We have had some incredibly fun days in 2020. This may sound bad to some, but I am not apologizing for our good times. We have lived in and through hell since 2013. If we can find a way to have some fun and help our grief and mental well-being, then we all need to be doing this. If anything, grief has prepared us for 2020; thank you, grief!

During this crazy year, there are some things that we all still need to be mindful of such as our health. Even though Jay and I have not been to the doctor for yearly checkups this year, we still have phone calls with our doctors just to check in on our health.

One thing you can’t do over the phone is have your teeth cleaned. After Art died, we lost our health insurance. We didn’t have a dentist for almost two years. I have never in my life missed a dental cleaning; it felt weird and depressing to some degree. When we were finally in a place to afford dental care, we were two happy campers getting our dental checkups.

Then in 2016, we became vegans and a lot of things in our lives changed. Most recently, we learned about a dentist that has the same beliefs as we do: holistic wellness! We jumped on that opportunity so fast. The only problem was first, the pandemic, and second, this new dentist was two hours away!

Jay and I did what we always do. We made a day of it! We booked the dentist and then planned an amazing, super fun, safe day. Our new dentist is in San Diego, and who doesn’t love San Diego? As Frankie always says in Grace & Frankie, my all-time favorite show, “The skies are always blue in San Diego!”

We asked the dentist about their covid protocols and we felt their procedures were safe for us to go. We planned to stop by a farm fruit stand on the way down, then to the dentist. After that, we went to eat dinner at a raw vegan restaurant, and topped off the evening at one of San Diego’s harbors called Sea Port Village.

On the way home, we stopped at one of their grocery stores to get our food for the rest of the week. We always love checking out new grocery stores in different cities!

The new dentist was amazing, and we were both excited to have found a dentist that has the same beliefs we do. Now we have a reason to make more fun days with our six-month cleanings in the blue skies of San Diego.

Our visit to the restaurant was also amazing! The food was excellent, and it will be included in our future trips to San Diego as well.

When we went to the harbor, Sea Port village, I started to get a little nervous. You see, the last time we were at Sea Port village was with Art and my parents on our last family outing, June 2014. I was nervous what feelings would pop up. Would I be sad? Would this trigger my grief? Would it be too much?

Once Jay and I got there, we got out of the car and memories just started flooding back to me. We spent so much time in this part of San Diego as a family when Jay was little. We celebrated three of her birthdays in San Diego and they were so much fun. The memories that were flooding my mind made me smile. Although we did have one trip down there when Art was fighting cancer, it was still a good memory.

Jay and I walked along the harbor looking at the lights sparkling off the bay, mesmerized by all the beautiful yachts. There were some amazing, gorgeous yachts in that harbor. As we walked along enjoying the fresh night air, we talked about all the memories. Jay didn’t remember most of them, and it was nice reminding her and seeing her light up a little over the memories.

Even though these memories made me smile, my heart hurt a little missing both our dads. My father loved San Diego! He was huge Midway nerd. He always persisted that anytime we were there he had to take Jay on the midway. He was a lover of aircraft carriers, all planes and ships. It was always so fun to see my dad light up sharing his love for the midway with Jay. According to my dad, the sun and moon set with Jay. She was the apple of his eye and she had him wrapped around her little finger. I have never seen my dad prouder and more overjoyed about any human in this world besides Jay. Same goes for Art. Jay had these two men wrapped around her little finger, and these two men loved my baby girl more than anything in this world!

As I reflected on seeing Art and my dad smile and love Jay, it made me smile. It made me happy knowing how much these two men loved and adored her. It made me happy knowing that even though Jay can’t remember all those memories, I am here to share and tell stories about those special times to her. It made me smile believing that even though neither of them is physically here, I know without a doubt those two are following Jay wherever she goes. If I am going to be honest with you all, that gives me deep comfort! Two amazing men that I love with all my heart are watching over and protecting my most precious baby girl, whom I love more than anything in this world.

San Diego, a beautiful place! Full of memories to cherish forever. A place we can go with our grief, remembering the past with love and making new memoires with joy!

Jay Here!

Hi everyone!

We had a fantastic day at San Diego. The dentist was actually… wait for it… Fun! Then again, I guess anything is fun when there’s professionals complimenting you (apparently, I do a fabulous job of keeping my teeth clean 😊).

The harbor was the main event from yesterday. It was so fun, but strange at the same time. Anyone who has followed our blog for a while now knows that my memory isn’t exactly perfect when it comes to my dad. I can remember bits and pieces, but rarely the full story. I spent a lot of my childhood at the harbor, so I remembered a bunch of random bits and pieces of our time there.

We saw the fellow who stacks rocks into tall towers, and that sparked a memory of walking by with my family and being mesmerized by this. I used to be obsessed with the idea of how things could balance like that, and how boats could stay afloat on water (I also loved chemistry and anatomy; I was a bit of a nerd and I still am :P). I remember pointing out the rock man, thinking that was just the coolest thing!

I also remembered a few restaurants we ate at, but especially one in particular. There’s one that’s over the water, kind of like a pier, so you have a gorgeous view of the harbor as the waves lap on the shore beneath you. We ate there once or twice, and while I don’t recall the meal with my family, I remember wondering why we weren’t eating breakfast lunch and dinner there all the time! I thought the restaurant was so cool as a kid, and I still do!

Oh, and the waves. One side of the harbor has small waves that ripple towards the rocks in a uniform line before gently running into the rocks. The scent of the sea is incredibly strong; so strong, that I can practically smell it right now just thinking about San Diego. On the other side of the harbor, the perfume of the sea still lingers in the air, but the water is so still and reflective that it looks like a mirror.

All along the water, there’s public telescopes to view the horizon. Just as I was obsessed with the balancing rocks and floating boats, my dad was obsessed with these telescopes! Any time we were in San Diego, my dad would get giddy like a child, running up to the telescope and encouraging me to look through. I think my mom has a picture of my dad holding me to look in one of them!

My papa had his San Diego obsession too: The Midway. It’s a military ship in the harbor with some small airplanes on it. Apparently, he took me there a lot, but I don’t really remember. I have a memory I can’t quite place of steel walls, steep metal stairs, a main with a stern voice leading a tour or giving instructions. I looked up at my adult (I’m assuming it was my Papa, but I don’t know for sure), gripping their hand and asking with my eyes, “Why are we here?” I wasn’t necessarily scared, but I remember feeling a mix of awkwardness, extreme caution and slight confusion. I’m pretty sure this is a memory of the Midway, as I don’t know where else this could have come from, but I don’t remember any discerning features of the large boat.

My clearest memory of the Midway is the walk, because it went on FOREVER. It’s a long walk to the boat even for adults, and my legs were half the size of theirs!

Instead of remembering the boat, I remember my Papa also being tired of walking and hiring one of those bicycle carriages. Now that was fun! We also took a Cinderella carriage through the harbor; although, I don’t remember that either.

The things my brain chooses to remember really do make me laugh. I can’t remember a nice dinner with my family or buying a kite with my dad, but I remember the waves and pretty girls who looked like princesses, taking their prom pictures.

Now that we’re going to San Diego every six months for our dentist appointments, part of me hopes that frequent visits will help bring back some of the good old memories. If it doesn’t, then that’s okay too, because my mom and I will create new memories just for us. Whether I remember the past or not, I look forward to having fun with my mom in the present and making new memories for the future.

Aloha and gratitude,

Jay and Shell